Housecleaning
by TheCrazyAuthors
Summary: Villains do need to stick up for each other, but as far as chores go, it's every demon for his or herself. Oneshot.


_Helloooo, everyone, time for the second oneshot in the Council of Fail series!_

_Sorry this one was kind of rushed. I probably could've done more, but I'm lazy and coffee-driven right now._

_Meh. Not much to say. Everything I have to say is in the after-story note. Line Break, hit it._

(Line Break says Senom299 doesn't own Okami, Okamiden, or their corresponding villains. Why she had to choose writing about the Okami villains for her 'comeback', I have absolutely no clue.)

While it's very true that villains have to stick together, when it comes to chores, it's every demon for his or herself.

And that was even more so true when King Fury finally recovered from his illness and decided there had to be a housecleaning expedition.

"I blame Ninetails," Ryo declared. "Bullhead, keep going."

"I'm not even the one moving!" The catfish retorted. "I'm in a freakin' FISHBOWL strapped to Crimsy's back and losing water here!"

"Oh, please, you'll be fine." Blight leaned against the wall, watching just to amuse himself.

"Shouldn't you be working too?" Sen asked.

"I didn't start any of this. And I'd do more harm than good, anyway, I could just stink up the place again with viruses if you want me t-"

"NO."

"Then there you have it."

Offscreen, Tsuki muttered a few curse words under her breath, kicking the air shaft wall. "Crap, started the recording too late. Where's the rewind button-"

_Static._

About an hour earlier...

"I'm telling you, that WAS my last card! I'm not hiding any, I swear!" Sen groaned irritably.

"No, no, it's really not. I know every one of your little tricks," The Witch Queen rasped, blowing smoke in his face. "Rematch."

"She does anything for money," Ninetails noted, leaning against the table and trying to get a better view.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Face." Blight growled.

"Someone's in a mood."

"So says the woman who I'm fairly certain is always on her time of month."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"You're an immature little contagion, you know that?"

"Why thank you."

"Oh, I know!" Bullhead groaned, ignoring the entire argument. "She cheated me out of all my yen for this hamster ball and now I'm in debt because I paid extra for insurance!"

"Who'd you take the loan from?" Ninetails raised an eyebrow, smacking Blight across the room and ignoring the outburst of 'you infernal woman will you please quit that'.

"Queeny."

"She's running a loan service too?"

"Negative fifty percent interest." The Witch Queen called.

"Can't argue with that." Ryo nodded in assurance.

"I'm in debt already and I didn't even TAKE a loan." Sen muttered.

"Too bad, so sad. Rematch."

"Fine, but I'm dealing the cards."

"My pipe you are, you card thief!"

"I'm telling you, I DIDN'T STEAL ANY CARDS! This is MY deck we're playing with!"

The mess hall door swung open and King Fury came in, coughing. "All right, order in the court. Or whatever I'm supposed to say. I quite frankly don't care at this point. Where's Blight."

"If he asks, I'm hiding in the basement." The parasite muttered, appearing behind Ninetails. She sidestepped and pointed a tail at Blight. "Curse you."

"Morning, Kingy!" Ryo called, waving enthusiastically while Sen watched the Witch Queen deal out the cards.

"There's supposed to be SEVEN each. You just gave yourself four..."

"Problem?"

"Yes, problem! That's not how you play Uno!" Sen snapped.

"He's gonna get cancer if she keeps smoking in his face like that," Bullhead noted.

"Good." Blight and Ninetails chorused before moving away from each other. King Fury leered at the parasite.

"You do realize I'm not letting you get away with that little prank from the other day, right?"

"It wasn't a prank, it was me giving you the day off you desperately needed." Blight stared at the ceiling in disinterest. "And I'll remind you that in itself is completely out of my nature."

"Yeah, Blight's actually a nice guy. Who knew." Ninetails chimed, smirking. She started coughing a minute later.

"Well, I've got a plan." King Fury announced. The Witch Queen dropped her cards. Bullhead rolled backward in his hamster ball. Even Blight seemed to tense. "Everyone, you'll be spending the day cleaning up the fort. Be honest, when was the last time anyone cleaned."

Everyone exchanged uneasy glances. "Uh... before the Masters left on their trip..." Ryo trailed off hesitantly.

"Exactly. So, what do you all say?"

Ninetails shuddered. "Cleaning. I hear 'women's work' jokes coming already."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure that's what this is." Blight recovered spontaneously. "All it is, really-"

He was smacked across the room again. "Quit DOING that!"

"Right, I've got more paperwork to do." King Fury turned around. "I'll see you all later, everyone."

"Have a heart attack." Sen muttered bitterly, but by the fact that he narrowly avoided being cut open a half second later, that comment was probably directed toward the Witch Queen.

~*~

Half an hour later, Blight shrugged. "Like I said, I'm not sure what you want me to do."

"I'll pay you to do my share. Come on." Sen begged.

"I thought you said you were in debt already."

"I'll pay you later!"

Down the hall, Ninetails was busy coaching.

"All right, Ryo. Can you handle refilling the fishbowl so we're not minus one annoying catfish?"

"Carp."

"No one cares."

Ryo saluted. "Ma'am, yes ma'am!" He then proceeded to almost drop the bucket. Ninetails rolled her eyes, turning to Crimson Helm.

"All right. You two are absolutely sure you can handle this."

"No! Not sure! Not sure at all!" Bullhead snapped, having been moved from his mobile plastic haven to a fishbowl and strapped to Crimson Helm's back. "This is by far the worst idea any of us have had, and I mean worse than whatever convinced the Masters to let the owls in here!"

"We're right here." Nechku remarked from the kitchen door.

"OH GOD CRIMSY START RUNNING."

Ninetails smacked her forehead with one of her tails. "Well... guess that got them moving..." She muttered, watching the water splash on the floor. "If Kingy wants us to clean, then we'll do it our own way."

Down the hall again...

"Sen. I cannot and will not do your share of the work. Why don't you go join Ninetails and her gang down there?" Blight deadpanned.

"Because they scare me!" Sen whined. "And I'm trying to hide from Witchy."

"Everyone's been hiding from the Queens since the day we got stuck with them. We all manage. Now go play with the nice kids, Sen." The parasite disappeared.

Five seconds later he came back, Ninetails marching behind him. "Apologize," She growled.

"I didn't know you played the mother figure," Blight drawled. The Demon Lord raised a tail and he sighed. "Fine. I'm _sorry._ Are you pleased?"

"Thanks, Ninetails!" Sen's eyes lit up. "Can I play with you guys?"

"Sure, why not. We're playing the 'go make King Fury's life slash afterlife a living hell' game. Go ask Bullhead to explain the rules."

"Kay!"

Blight turned to her. "We haven't heard the last of it from him. He'll probably be yelling at everyone tonight about 'how can you call yourselves villains you lazy bums, what do you think this is, a video game', and-"

Ninetails slunk behind him. "Afternoon, Fury."

Blight turned around half a second before being throttled. "Well, shi-"

~*~

_I dunno, this one was kind of rushed. Guess I wasn't completely up to this one. Maybe the next one'll be better._

_The Witch Queen makes an appearance in this one, and yes, her sole purpose in this story is to cheat everyone out of their money. As can be proved when she cheats Sen at Uno. How they have Uno in ancient Japan is beyond me._

_After all, I'm just the one who writes this crap._

_Favorite line in this entire oneshot: 'what do you think this is, a video game-'._

_I'm sorry but I couldn't write it without cracking up. Fourth wall breaking, how we love you._

Also, a note on Tsuki's appearance early on: Either you guys remember her from Sleepover, or you don't. Tsuki's not exactly an OC, just a sort of incarnation of yours truly that I use in fanfics. She's kind of the side of my mind that helps me kick my Okami fanfiction writing into gear. These days, I like to call her the Seeker of Certainty and my 'other side', Stormy, the Seeker of Miracles.

_So yeah._

_... I'm gonna end this off. Please leave a review. Senom is very sad when she doesn't get reviews... why won't you people review? You're so MEAN! *runs off sobbing*_


End file.
